So many people are asking us: ‚How are you ?‘
So, how are we ? Today is a good day, (a little more than 4 month after Luka passed away) I would say we are good, we are coping rather well, sometimes surprisingly well ! The kids are back to school, Karsten is back to work and I am trying to find my old ‚me‘ under all the things that have happened throughout the last years… And I realise, there is a new ‚me‘, someone who is looking forward to the future, despite the past or even because of the past!
Every day, every week, we realise how much strength Luka gave us. He made sure that we will cope and he left us such valuable wise things and memories… Looking at the pictures of Luka’s Memory card you will see a spunky little boy even though he has been severly ill at all times !!! Luka always made the best out of the situation, he never complained, always accepted the facts and lived his own and very precious life instead !
The most important fact for us is that we had the chance to give everything for him! We absolutely did EVERYTHING we possibly could do for him. Even the last days, he was not scared, he was happy to be at home and surrounded by the ones he loved. He felt the love and he made sure that we know this and that we will NEVER forget this…. one of the biggest gifts your child can give to you !
So how am I ? Today I am good but there are days, sometimes hours, sometimes moments where I am sad, desperate and heartbroken that we had to let him go.
But at the same time I am and we are strong, peaceful, hopeful and always fullfilled with everything Luka gave to us. With his behaviour, his way of dealing with the whole situation he succeeded in giving us comfort for our ongoing life. We will always be as good as he was in lifetime !
The fact that he passed away, just stopped breathing with a smile on his face, (after all this struggle) while we all have been sitting closely next to him, gives me the feeling that we have to let him go as peacefully as he left….
Anyhow there are hours where you just can’t believe it, days of sorrow, days of sobbing….But the phases between the good days and the bad moments are getting in a better proportion over time!
Inbetween I keep myself busy and I started working for the charity that is linked directly to Luka’s clinic and that is actually funding the doctors who took care so well of Luka and us ! I decided to use my knowledge I collected over the years -with and because of Luka- and I will stick to the ‚business‘ to make sure I can help other families in the same situation. When we came to the clinic, I always had the feeling that I can pass on my responsibility and just relax and let go for a short moment. They always made us feel like home, and they cared ….this is something I would like to secure for other families and at the same time it will always be a special connection between Luka and me.
We have donnated the money we received instead of flowers to the people who have really, physically and mentally helped us throughout our journey. We have a special and personal connection to all of them and this is why we decided to fund-raise furtheron ! For the first time we were able to see where the money actually goes and how it helps our children and us !
So if you plan a donation and you don’t have the suitable organisation to do so, we can assure you that the money at those institutions will go straight to the benefit of the children and families ! I will do this once in my blog because I know by heart how it feels ‚on the other side’…. You are more than welcome to share this link !
For the UK:
For today I will say good bye and happy easter…we will now be off for a few days to Italy. Our first trip in the new family setting….Probably Rome will cheer us up a bit and we will definitely light up a candle for Luka in the Vatican ! An updated family photo will be posted 😉 !