Life seems to be like a rollercoaster currently, anyhow even though the temperature averaged 40 today we are getting a bit more ‚relaxed‘ (as relaxed as you can get under these circmstances).

When Luka felt so poorly two days ago, with all symptoms he had, such as spiking temperatures, rigors (Schuettelfrost), a massive rash (Ausschlag), a very sensitive scalp, pain in bones and tummy and diarrhoea you start trying to figure out what you are dealing ‚most likely“ with. We have got 3 possibilities for those syptoms:

– sideeffects of chemo

– a viral infection and …last but unfortunately not least but worst

– a the cancer spreading……

Usually you try to rule out one by one and 2 days ago we got to the point that the doctor said we have to have a CT scan before we leave for Germany to make sure we are not dealing with new brain metastasis…Ok, we knew that somehow but when the nurse told me yesterday that we are scheduled for a scan at lunchtime I realised all of the sudden again in what kind of situation we are manoeuvering….

Believe me ….you will never want to have these hours before and after a scan…waiting for results that will change your life immediately. And you know exactly how it feels to fall and fall and fall…..and how hard it is to get up again. So you try to convince yourself that it is just viral or due to chemo….

…because his classmates have been dealing with high temperatures over the last weeks as well

…because we just had a tumor removed 5 (only 5 ?) weeks ago and it will not be able to grow that fast (a lie, it will !)

…because all symptoms are pointing to an unlucky combination of viral infection and chemo at the same time

…..because everybody keeps telling you that this would be by far too much of an coincidence !

……. BUT what about the pain on his scalp (Schmerzen auf der Kopfhaut)???? It started exactly the same way twice ago and turned out to be either leukaemia or a sarcoma …..
By now we all know about the situation, about chances and we all know what’s around the corner…

We just don’t know yet where and when the corner is…..

OK, we made it through the CT and the waiting period for results and the massive relief of an „CLEAR CT“ of brain and skull (Schaedel) is worth a zillion and more !!!

Hopefully the corner is a bit further down the line….

So yesterday night it seemed that Luka is finally getting better and we were cautiously planning for friday or saturday to leave for Germany. Unfortunately not cautious enough, because with an average temperature today of 40 degrees and paracetamol every 4 hours there is not even time to think about leaving !

Anyhow, probably you will understand why we are a bit more relaxed right now…once we get rid of the temperatures and the rest of Luka’s rash we will dash of for Germany and open the new door !!! After being stuck in this hospital for another couple of weeks it almost feels like a christmas calendar…when do I finally get to see what is behind the next door 😉

Thank you for all your posts, mails and texts…for all your kind offers, words and actions ! They fall straight into my heart and even though I don’t answer or reply very often..it is for a good reason, Luka is my priority 😉 but it it always easier ‚fullhearted‘ !!!!

So despite of all temperatures and downs in the rollercoasterride…today was a good day !